In the beginning

I walked into the cellular company to change my account setting, and found more that what I bargain for. While there, I learned that I had over $400 in charges. I remember tell the young man that there must be a mistake and ask him to look into it.  As I sat across from him I could see his face change and the swirling in my stomach began.  I was going to learn something that I did not want to learn.  He looked at me and said well at least I can tell you that the cost incurred was not from my cell phone.  In one moment I realized that my life as I knew it would never be the same.  I left feeling horrible for the salesman, after all it must have been very uncomfortable for him.  The first thing I did was call my husband and ask who he had been talking to.  His response was, "I thought we had unlimited minutes" .  Seventeen years of marriage and this was his response.  As tears fell down, emotions were overtaking me, such as anger, disbelief, shock, confusing, fear, and a sadness so deep.  How was I going to move on from here?  What was I to  do? was this really happening to me?  How could I not have know? who is she? when did he see her? why or why was this happening? This was the beginning of a journey that at the time I thought had no ending.  A journey that I would ot take a lone but with my wonderful savior!

The ending is only the beginning........

My journey seemed to have begun four years ago, yet upon looking back, that was actually the pivotal point of my journey.  It was then that a decision to take the risk and take the road unseen or the remain on the stagnant path I had been pursuing.  My world as I new it, as his other half, was closing in. I had seen the signs, yet the shock as the lies were unearthed before me, creating an oppressive emptiness. The reality of the finality was sinking in as fear came to forefront.  Fear of the unknown, the what ifs, how can I go on, what will happen if I confront this, how can I let this love go,  FEAR forever hoovering over me.  It was during this time of darkness, that God my Father, held me in the palm of his hand.  This didn't make the pain feel less than it was, but the knowledge that He was leading me on, kept me moving forward.

Even as I write today, I can feel the pain that I felt back then,  I no longer live in that pain, but I remember if only to be there for others.  To let just one person know that it's OK to feel it, we don't need to run away from the heartbreak, yet in this world are happy ever after, no one has taught us how to feel the heartache. If you are here right now, it you are feeling the despair of the heartbreak,  know that you will get through this.  It will hurt, but as days unfold before you, you will begin to see things differently.  You are loved and still lovable.  If you can not seem to accept that, then just accept that God made you.  He doesn't want you to hurt.  He is holding out his arms to you, so rest in them.

Why am I here

I'm sure that I am not the only one here who had to pick up the pieces after a divorce.  Come on, let's face it, how many of entered into marriage thinking it would last forever.  Yet after so many years, so much time together, the inevatibe happens, where one journey ends.  It seems as if life will never be the same, and it isn't.  But I'm here to tell you, no it's not the same, it's better.  So what better way to share my journey from despair to peace, then to start here.  My prayer is that others can identify with my storey and will be willing to share their's as well, in the hopes of helping those who feel as life as they know it is over.

My journey begins again here with you.
~Martha